I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
