i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
