U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Help me help you realize you are a moron
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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