you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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