Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
