he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
