Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
