So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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