I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
