I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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