i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
and she was petting her beer can
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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