I can tuck mytits in my pants
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
