Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
