all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
