And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
