I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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