A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
