just come out here and I will go home with you...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
