Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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