Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
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I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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