i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
