theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
