we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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