I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
