I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
