his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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