The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize