i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
