I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You ruined the universe
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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