i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
