I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
