the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
