Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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