im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
