Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I want to have your abortion
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize