I want to walk on stilts...naked
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
