he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
