Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
