I can tuck mytits in my pants
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
