I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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