My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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