Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
