he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize