please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
there was a trapeze. enough said
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
