fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
