Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
