nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
