my vag is so smooth its legendary
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
