There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize