hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
