he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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