Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
