even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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