There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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