M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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