In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
