i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
