there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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