She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
