I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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