we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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