You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
