She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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