i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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