can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
