Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
