taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
