it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
