Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Randomize
