my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
