id be glad to
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The Olympian is in my bed
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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